So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
