We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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