Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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