Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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