I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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