he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
