Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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