And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
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You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
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Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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