I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
