I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
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I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
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I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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