So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
