2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize