Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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