I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
