I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
