I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
