Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
