I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
