ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
