Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
whose parrot is this?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
