Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I think people are normalizing furries
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
