so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
