Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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