I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
