The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
