This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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