I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
