Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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