Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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