and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
