Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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