It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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