I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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