apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
