i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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