I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
