he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
