eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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