Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wish i was in the wii world.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
