Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
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