Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
