He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
