Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
