I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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