Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
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we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
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My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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