It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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