what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
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Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
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I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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