On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Pooping to opera.
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