i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
