Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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