And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
