I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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