Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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