She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
