so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
