and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
