I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
