i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize