your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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