amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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