You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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