it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
