Betty ford says i'm here all night
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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