): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
