i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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