We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
