I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
