I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
