you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
